Reclaiming Your Joy
by Stephanie Barca, LMSW Resident Therapist
Reclaiming your joy.
If there is one area of life that seems immune to the pressure of "should," it is the Recreational Domain. Relaxed leisure time is something we are drawn to, something we know we “should” prioritize, yet so many of us find something goal-oriented to do when the time for recreation arises. Even as we earn more money and save more time, recreation tends to fall off our schedules. Why?
Few people would say that their goal is to spend less time doing things they enjoy. On the contrary, we dream of travel, watching sports, painting, or simply playing with the people we love. So why don’t we follow through? Is it a lack of opportunity, or is it that our culture doesn’t value recreation the way it values productivity?
It is not because recreation is bad for us. Most people recognize the importance of play for children as an engine of cognitive and emotional growth, but recreation benefits adults as well.
Play stimulates our minds and boosts creativity. It is a great time to practice a skill or learn a new task, and skill-building during play provides personal resources and additional coping strategies. Flexing our imagination in the Recreational Domain helps us solve problems later in other life domains like the Vocational and Relational.
Recreation builds resilience by providing rich, positive experiences that can enhance the quality of thoughts and behaviors. It boosts our mood, and play has been shown to reduce stress, lower cortisol levels, and strengthen our social bonds.
Being convinced that play is worthwhile is only the first step back into the Recreational Domain. If you are one of those who has been neglecting play, finding where to begin can be a challenge. Some things to consider:
Start Small. A six-week oil painting class may seem expensive or time-consuming, but an afternoon acrylics class might offer an easier goal to accomplish. If you’re exploring a new hobby, starting small will give you a sense of whether you enjoy it enough to invest your time and money into it going forward.
That said, the Recreational Domain is not about perfection. If you are not enjoying play because you are not living up to your set expectations, it’s worth exploring where those expectations originate. Recreation is for the love of the action, not the outcome. The reverse is true – if you are great at something but do not enjoy it, that’s not going to fulfill your needs in this domain.
Experience a Play Buffet. Different forms of recreation challenge us mentally, emotionally, and physically to different degrees. Trying different events and activities allows you to explore your interests. A play buffet increases the novelty in your life - a great way to quickly boost your mood. Our recreation also changes with age, and having different ways to play increases your ability to adapt when a former hobby becomes out of reach.
Protect Your Play. Many of us stretch our lives to the edges of our ability, so it is not uncommon for other obligations to creep into the Recreational Domain. Fight the urge to delay your play. Bringing friends and family into an activity can help hold you accountable and make it less likely that you will skip it. Putting your recreation on your schedule at the same time each week can make the boundary easier to defend.
Use What You Have. Time and external pressures are not the only barriers to recreation. Many forms of fun cost money, like travel, movies, and sports. There are blogs devoted to recreation on a budget; don’t wait until you have enough money to play. Instead, see recreation as an investment in yourself. Building new skills in a relaxed, fun atmosphere can enhance your confidence and creativity, both great precursors to an abundance mindset.
Remember Your Why. Recreation is serious. As noted, we benefit from play physically, emotionally, and mentally at every age and life stage. The enhanced wellbeing spreads into life’s other domains. When you engage in something just for yourself and intrusive thoughts arise, remind yourself: this time is nonnegotiable. You belong on your to-do list, too.
Remember Your Childhood. If you are still stymied as to a starting point, begin with those things you did for fun as a child before getting the idea that pursuits had to be “valuable.” Psychologist Dr. Stuart Brown has identified eight distinct play personalities.[1] While most of us can relate to more than one, finding the style that resonates with you can help you reintroduce play that feels natural and meaningful.
The Collector play personality collects objects or experiences and derives joy from gathering. The Competitor finds joy in the pursuit of the next win, while the Creator is happiest when making something beautiful, making something functional, or making something work. The Director play personality enjoys planning a vacation more than the vacation itself.
Someone with an Explorer style of play enjoys engaging their imagination in new ways, while the Joker keeps things light for the rest of us. The Kinesthete enjoys moving their body and may play a sport not for the win, but for the strong feelings of their muscles moving. Finally, the Storyteller play personality enjoys narrating their own story or engaging in someone else’s.[2]
Finding and exercising your values in the Recreational Domain may feel awkward at first. The problem may lie in the fact that play isn’t goal-oriented in a cultural perspective that prizes outcomes over experiences. But that’s precisely why it matters. In a world that often equates worth with output, choosing to play is a radical act of self-connection. It’s a reminder that joy is not earned, and it’s often not as far away as we think. Reclaiming recreation is not a detour from personal growth; it is an essential part of balance and meaning.
[1] National Institute for Play. (n.d.). Play personalities. National Institute for Play. Retrieved July 21, 2025, from https://nifplay.org/what-is-play/play-personalities/
[2] National Institute for Play. (n.d.). Play personalities. National Institute for Play. Retrieved July 21, 2025, from https://nifplay.org/what-is-play/play-personalities/
